if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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