next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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