Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
