Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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