im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
