I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
