I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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