the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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