I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
