when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
