I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
