Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
