Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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