ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
