The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
