Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think i have two assholes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
