I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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