it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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