Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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