Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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