She's JV to your varsity
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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