Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
