maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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