I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
