Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
