At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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