Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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