he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
