I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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