i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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