Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
