I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
