They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
