Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
