That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
