i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
