Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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