He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
