those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
