Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can't special order awesome
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
