Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
