Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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