i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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