Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
