dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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