This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
