I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
