I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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