my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
