I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
