I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
